New to this!!!!

                         I ''don't know'' how to do this!!!!!!!

........ Well the picture above kinda summarizes how I felt every time I thought of putting pen to paper or rather the constant mind chatter at rest and finally have a go at this thing we call writing, express your thoughts your inner creative self, blurt out whatever comes to you.  
         For every time  I had the good intention of getting to work i always found myself distracted by a avalanche of thoughts, whispering in my ear: im not good at this, who is ever going to read it? I need to do more research, I should do this, or that, ohhhh i need to go to work or whatever excuse under the sun, just not to do it! All this inner conversations left me exhausted mentally to the point that I will give up on the idea for a long time.  
        You see, in my mind I was comparing myself with everyone else there, the more blogs, article i read the more helpless i felt, because the immediate instinct I had, was to Compare myself or my ability to everyone out there. It took me a long time time to see how scared I actually was of a lost Dream that I declared into existence a while back, declaring how much I would love to write my own book and that I have stories to share and tell but never had the courage to do it. What a paradox? I want to/I have the inner Desire to write and share and the same time a mountain of thoughts on how I am not good at this, took over and reigned over this area for a few good years. 

       Hmmmm..........  No matter how many good books  or inspirational quotes I HAVE read,  until I actually realized myself on my own  from my inner clock/mechanism that nothing will ever change until I actually Transform my internal dialog about Who I am in this particular area. Waiting around for the perfect moment, for the perfect speech, or phrasing the most stylish, trendy approaches and fancy catchy words was gone bring me a big NOTHING, not even the slightest form of action on getting anything done....so what was there to do?

Well I had to had a little accident, nothing to worry a small knee injury, where I was not able to walk for a few days so I was on home arrest for a little while with a lot of time on myself. Firstly  I was doing some homework whatever I had to do and then it hit me, Why don't I start writing?... perhaps start with writing a blog, you don't have to start your book and finish it in a day or a month?!... Start a STEP  at a time. 
Firstly let all that comes to you out here, write it down, all the blurbs, thoughts and so on and then allow yourself to create from that space of being content happy and being You, however you are! There are no duplicates and you do not need to ''clone'' ANYONE on your way of being.
 I realized that everytime I compared myself  being in writing, dancing, healing, every time I tried to to fit anywhere,be like someone else I was not happy, always disconnected from my own Source and of course I was disempowered, how can I not be when I was feeding on the external attitude of my environment. No more Resistance to What Is!.....you know when you have a dream and when your heart speaks to you and you ignore it, it will always find a way to bring you back onto your path no matter how long it will take down the timeline, not matter how many crippling thoughts of criticism you brought upon yourself, IT WILL FIND A WAY! Just like the beautiful Rose that flowered gracefully out of a concrete path so is the power of your Inner Heart, it will always bring you face to face with what you were meant "To be'' 
How long it will take for you to get it( to get the message of your heart)? ...... well I don't know, it depends on each one of us, to me it took me a few good years to finally pluck the courage and write this piece out and just share what I honestly feel from my heart! No editing or fancy words, no long hours spent on how and what..... just pure flow allow to come to you whatever it is there! There is no perfect way of doing anything in life, Its just Your Way, Unique, Powerful, Beautiful, Strong, Inspiring, Bold, Courageous, Alive........
With Gratitude Always
       Ayanna